tonight is the night your memories are home and the present is so unfamiliar you don't know either to take the giant step ahead of you or to back off and take a different way to your goals in life. but you know you have already fallen and tumbled down the stairs even though you didn't step back but was pushed by the very thing u sought for. with parts of you coming off on the way down. all you know is that your looking up from the bottom not entirely whole. wonder and regret floods your mind and can think of nothing else. constant conflict with yourself about why the brown eyed girl would be waiting at the top, arms stretched out for you, could turn her back so quickly. she can never be the same it will never be the same you can never be the same the only thing you can tell yourself. but really the only cure for this illness, the only pill, the only drug, that you can take to recover from a wound that never heals.......is denial with a smile.